tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-359946232024-03-13T00:09:01.909-07:00Day By Day=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-53594767335731064572012-08-22T09:42:00.001-07:002012-08-22T09:43:25.470-07:00One year onOn Sunday it was Rebecca's birthday and the one year anniversary since her death. In keeping with jewish tradition we set a permanent marker on her grave. We then returned to our house in Berkeley and reminisced and celebrated Rebecca's life.<br />
<br />
Here are some photos of the day: <a href="https://plus.google.com/photos/102500016071484549637/albums/5779534087160218097?authkey=CLDqmonx4eW88AE">https://plus.google.com/photos/102500016071484549637/albums/5779534087160218097?authkey=CLDqmonx4eW88AE</a><br />
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Love Love=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-81366928031109500562012-08-13T10:00:00.001-07:002012-08-13T10:00:47.297-07:00Some Memorial Details<br />
A couple of details, please let me know if you have other questions:<br />
<br />
We will meet at the 'bend in the road'. You turn form the street into the parking lot. You can either park there or keep driving further up. There is only the one road leaving the parking lot deeper into the property. If you drive or walk up it, about a quarter mile past the main building you will find us gathered at the first significant bend in the road. We will walk from there to Rebecca's grave at a little after 11am.<br />
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If you are late then, at that bend, follow the path that continues 'straight' in the direction the road was going. Once you get to the end of that path you should see us a little way off under the trees.<br />
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You will end up walking abouta half mile, so bring comfortable shoes. Dress will be generally informal. I will be in jeans but I might put on a button down shirt for the occasion.<br />
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Rabbi Zellman will lead us in a short ceremony setting a permanent marker at the grave and marking the passage of a year since Rebecca's death. After the ceremony people are welcome to stay at the grave for a while or to wander the grounds at Fernwood which is a lovely place to discover.<br />
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When you are ready, head back to my place in Berkeley where there will be a catered buffet lunch. The house will be open for the afternoon and I hope we can all spend some time together celebrating Rebecca's life. We can share stories of Rebecca and how she continues to influence our lives.<br />
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For people who will only be coming to the Berkeley part of the day. I expect the house to be open and welcoming by 12:30 pm.<br />
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I look forward to seeing you all.<br />
<br />
Love Love,<br />
<br />
Andy <br />
=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-56606300824471716772012-07-31T08:45:00.001-07:002012-07-31T08:45:04.518-07:00Forever in my heart18 years ago today Rebecca and I walked down the isle and exchanged vows. Till death do us part. Death came too soon but she remains with me and the kids every day and continues to influence how we live our lives. My love for Rebecca is not expressed in the past tense it is present and future.<br />
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1 year ago Rebecca and I went out to celebrate our anniversary, we had ice-cream. It was the last time we went out together on a date.<br />
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Today, I miss Rebecca.=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-58598075113203447122012-06-15T12:47:00.001-07:002012-06-15T12:47:48.462-07:00Time Passes<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">I am starting to organize a 'stone setting' when we will place the permanent marker at Rebecca's grave. This will happen on August 19th, her birthday and the one year anniversary of her death. The ceremony at the cemetery will be followed by a gathering (party) at my place. Details, as they emerge, will be posted here on the blog. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">I'm going to put an evite out too but am worried that I will miss someone. You are all invited and if you don't see the evite from me in the next couple of weeks ping me to make sure I have your current email address. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Love love.</span>=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-36583916867442770352012-02-21T14:24:00.002-08:002012-02-21T14:24:36.791-08:00Half a yearYesterday marked the 6 month anniversary of Rebecca's passing. We talk about her often, she is still very present in our lives. We all miss her terribly. But, meanwhile, life goes on...<br />
<br />
In the last 6 months I have: Built what amounts to an extension on the house to be the home of the Olive Press, totally remodeled the downstairs bathroom, replaced the floor and the sink in the upstairs bathroom, Put a big deck on the back of the house, purchased a piano and made some upgrades in the Kitchen. Oh yeh, and purchased a BIG tv (60 inch).<br />
<br />
Despite all that Rebecca's jewelry is still all laid out on her bedside table how she liked it. Her cloths still take up 80% of the available space in our room and we eat fish at least once a week because she insists it's good for us.<br />
<br />
I added raised beds to our veggie garden, it's much easier on my back. I have lots of fava's in for the winter and I'm starting to plan the spring plantings. The bees are a'buzzing but I got rid of the chickens, I decided I just didn't have any care-taking energy in me right now.<br />
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The kids are up and down. Generally they are doing amazingly well but every so often reconnect with what they have lost. I think as time goes on they understand more what it means to not have her around and are starting to miss the things that used to annoy them. "Why does she make us eat salad all the time" has become "Dad why don't we eat more salad"... The kids would never make me feel bad by saying anything like: "it was better when mom was around" but I know that it is true. I'm doing a pretty good job, but, the world was better when mom was around.<br />
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And then.... we have lots of fun. It turns out that living in a house with a sick person puts a cloud over things. There are times now that we have a level of loud, energetic, fun that we couldn't have in the house before because it was too much for Rebecca.<br />
<br />
The railing of the new deck incorporates the last piece of art Rebecca welded.... you should come check it out and hang out on the deck with me and the kids!<br />
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Love Love=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-48264927925212770232011-09-27T10:46:00.000-07:002011-09-27T10:46:54.005-07:00Up and DownWell I'm back at work and the kids are back in school and life goes on. We have our good days and bad days. On good days we talk about Rebecca and cry a little. On bad days we get caught up in daily life and forget to cry... or is it the other way around?<br />
<br />
I have received an overwhelming number of letters and cards. It is amazing how many people Rebecca touched in her life. I hope and plan to respond to ALL of the cards... but it may take a year or two. I have decided to prioritize responses to people who do NOT read this blog as they will not receive this message: "Thank You". =andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-68353744189464220582011-09-15T10:01:00.000-07:002011-09-15T10:01:44.039-07:00A week attempt at stretching the title themeWell, I promised myself I would write at least weekly updates for now.. so here I am.<br />
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And that pretty much sums up how I am feeling: If I give myself structure then I can follow it, I can walk through all of the actions of the day but I continue to feel like I'm playing a role rather than living a life.<br />
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I have started working again although holding any focus is very hard. I am trying to at least contribute what I can from my 'expertise'. It's kind of strange how radically the world has changed and yet these systems that I work on still seem to work in the same basic way. It's kind of comforting, in a way.<br />
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The kids continue to live life and miss their mom. Less tears, but still plenty. We talk about Rebecca a fair amount and we talk about our loss... we try to understand how to best take care of ourselves. =andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-92119563881643445342011-09-07T08:53:00.000-07:002011-09-07T08:53:35.857-07:00Two Week to moveLife continues to be totally surreal, I feel like I'm on drugs or.. something. It amazes me how Rebecca's presence was/is woven into everything I do and how palpable her absence is. I am told that I am grieving... as I am meant to grieve... woohoo... I'm doing it right, apparently. It sucks!<br />
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The kids are also up and down. Their days are full of the excitement of the new school year, new social and academic challenges. By bedtime they are physically and emotionally exhausted and we all get together for a cry over how much it sucks that Rebecca isn't with us.<br />
<br />=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-31976791030726800862011-08-27T18:51:00.000-07:002011-08-27T18:52:01.672-07:00Week at the kneesWell it's been a week and I am drifting in and out of a surreal fog. Every word I utter, every action I take reminds me of her. Sometimes that reminder is bitter and sometimes its sweet. I miss her SO much and yet she is so present. I joke, laugh, reminisce and cry with the family and friends that surround me but the words don't seem to add up... it's like i'm failing to describe some half remembered taste and no matter what I say it is followed by "no, that's not quite it". Nothing is as it should be.<br />
<br />
As Ze'ev put it; "It's like being homesick but not being able to go home"<br />
<br />
Big sigh.=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-7134013794321191772011-08-23T18:09:00.000-07:002011-08-23T18:09:13.599-07:00Remembering Rebecca supporting these charities<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Andy has asked me (Richard, again, Andy's brother) to share with this community of </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rebecca's </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">family and friends, that these two charities are ones which embody Rebecca's love and care for the world. If it is your wish or custom to make donations at such times, then please consider these charities or others you feel Rebecca would be happy to know are supported.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"></span><br />
<ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">San Francisco Bay Area Physicians for Social Responsibility (<a href="http://www.sfbaypsr.org/" style="color: #0000cc;" target="_blank">www.sfbaypsr.org</a>)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Mandorla Project (<a href="http://www.themandorlaproject.org/" style="color: #0000cc;" target="_blank">www.themandorlaproject.org</a>).</span></li>
</ul>=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-68167768668069311012011-08-21T16:40:00.000-07:002011-08-21T16:42:13.954-07:00Funeral Arrangements for Rebecca<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">This is Richard writing again (Andy's brother).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">The memorial service and burial will be held on Tuesday, August 23 at 11:00 am at <a href="http://www.foreverfernwood.com/">Fernwood Cemetery</a> in Mill Valley. Please watch this blog in the interim in case there are any changes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">If you are attending and able to car pool that will help the parking situation, and the planet.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">The Cemetery is an "eco-cemetery" and does not have groomed paths. Although the cemetery staff try to clear away poison oak from the area of the grave, there may be some remaining. Please take care when walking for both these reasons. This may also inform your choice of footwear and clothing. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">As mentioned before, no flowers please - a list of charities to which donations can be made in Rebecca's memory and honor will be posted on this blog.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">Shiva will take place on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings, August 23, 24, and 25 in Berkeley. The family will receive visitors from 6:00 to 8:00 pm; a brief Ma'ariv ("evening") service and sharing of memories will take place each evening at 7:00 pm. </span>=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-79476992465207355762011-08-21T07:21:00.000-07:002011-08-21T07:21:51.386-07:00Day 1 of the new eraI slept like I was drugged... to the extent that I wander if someone drugged me. We certainly have the wherewithal laying around the house. Or maybe it's just that I hadn't slept in days. The fact that I haven't been taking my own medication in ages probably doesn't help either.<br />
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Me and the kids were all giddy with fear last night and were goofing around like little kids to avoid going to our beds and having to think. Personally I fell asleep so fast I didn't think. I didn't hear a peep from the kids.<br />
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I woke up giggling. A joke so un-PC that I cannot repeat it in any company... let alone polite company. I couldn't stop giggling... and Rebecca was right there smiling that smile she smiles when she's loving me for my flaws, not despite them. The house is so full of her it is easy to hold her in my heart. I miss her so much and now I'm sobbing again.<br />
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I guess it's going to be another manic day of unimaginable pain and unconditional love at the Dale -1 household.=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-25312717506943405602011-08-20T17:08:00.000-07:002011-08-20T17:08:02.253-07:00Arrangements: Tuesday - but not yet finalizedDear Friends and Family.<br />
<br />
This is Richard, Andy's brother, writing.<br />
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At this time we expect the funeral to be on TUESDAY, probably in the morning, but the time is not yet finalized. We need to wait for the State certification, a process that can only start on Monday morning. Its timing is not predictable.<br />
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The funeral will be held at Fernwood (<a href="http://www.foreverfernwood.com/">details here</a>). Please watch this blog for details once they are finalized. There will be three evenings of Shiva (gathering at the family home) and those details will also be published here. Until the time of the funeral the family is maintaining its inward orientation and visits are not customary. Thank you for your understanding. The Shiva will provide an opportunity for everyone to share your love and memories with Andy, Merav and Ze'ev and the wider community of those who loved and were loved by Rebecca.<br />
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Please do not send or bring flowers. We will publish the names of charities dear to the family to which donations can be made.=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-74875796972214461822011-08-20T09:54:00.000-07:002011-08-20T09:54:30.622-07:00the end of one journey and the start of the next.At 4:14 am on Saturday August 20th Rebecca left us. She left on a river of love that flowed from all of us close and far. She was ushered out of this world by 2 angels (more about them at another time) in the presence of myself and our kids Merav and Ze'ev (Gideon). <br />
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We are observing the jewish tradition of keeping to ourselves between now and the funeral. As plans for the funeral and the shiva (gathering together the days after the funceral) unfold they will be posted here. <br />
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With love! =andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-37681924933096334832011-08-19T19:12:00.000-07:002011-08-19T19:12:54.160-07:00never to be predictableRebecca never was one to go by other peoples timelines. This time she is accelerating rather than delaying the schedule. She has already fit 4-6 weeks of decline into a week, we are assuming that the time scale trend will continue and she will be gone fairly soon. It could be a few hours or it could be a couple of days. very unlikely to be any longer.<br />
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People are no longer going in to visit with Rebecca: she is otherwise occupied. If you want to come visit with the family please call first as we are trying to keep the house calm and quiet. i will post details of arrangements here as they unfold.<br />
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love=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-49865737544242119132011-08-16T22:01:00.000-07:002011-08-16T22:01:03.381-07:00End of another dayToday was a good day. Rebecca rested peacefully for the first half of the day and we had some nice hang out time in the afternoon and evening. Now,every time she rallies I wonder if it's the proverbial last wind. It could be days, it could be weeks. Rebecca seems to think it might be sooner than later.<br />
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This evening me and the kids hung out on the bed with Rebecca. The kids showed her magic tricks they had learned... Trying to show 'illusions' to someone who has been hallucinating for days proves to be really hard. Ze'ev is asleep at the foot of our bed. Merav is in her room and Rebecca is peaceful besides me.=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-27658692091001508542011-08-15T19:53:00.000-07:002011-08-15T19:53:14.407-07:00Long dayFinally she is resting more peacefully. Still not totally peaceful but much better. Lots of drugs and finally... a foot rub... and she's resting. I wish I had thought of the foot rub earlier. <br />
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3 weeks ago we said 6-10 weeks... now we seem to be looking at 2 or 3... Kids are doing great. I had some big sobbing today, finally. I know my heart will mend but I sure wish I didn't have to have it so thoroughly broken first. =andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-10683941881595400332011-08-15T07:40:00.000-07:002011-08-15T07:40:39.867-07:00Monday MorningIt was a tough weekend and an even tougher night. I'm tired. Rebecca has been anxious and rambling. We spent the night chatting about whatever was going on in the moment in her vivid dream state... incredulity that I didn't notice the olive tree grow in our bedroom and get absorbed into the walls... annoyance that I didn't know the name of the guy standing by the bed (despite him 'seeming like a nice guy'). <br />
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Visits are becoming harder because she is more agitated. Call before you come over and I will let you know if a visit seems like a good idea. =andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-88391350870862337062011-08-12T09:42:00.000-07:002011-08-12T09:42:02.262-07:00Friday MorningRebecca's Dad and his wife Amy were here all week. We had some nice times and, most importantly, they both got to spend some good time with Rebecca. I think the highlight for Ze'ev was not only did Larry, Amy, Rebecca and I come to watch him dive at the pool... Amy pushed me in the pool! <br />
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Rebecca had a couple of good, pain free, lucid days. This morning she is feeling crappy so we just dosed her with what we hope will knock her out for a while and make the pain go away. =andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-34014752241292337812011-07-29T06:59:00.000-07:002011-07-29T06:59:26.616-07:00Another dayYesterday was very busy. We had the hospice folks in first thing followed by a stream of visiting friends. Rebecca was awake and smiling through most of it. She would nap between visits and the visits only last 15 to 20 minutes before she closes her eyes and says; "OK, I have to sleep some now." <br />
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The hospice folks upped her drug intake and have prescribed all sorts of different pills for different symptomatic relief. Her pain is way down and her breathing sounded less strained in her sleep last night than it has in a while. One of the pills prescribed is a steroid, its primary purpose is to reduce the swelling in her belly and give her some relief there. It will likely have the side effect of giving her a little more energy... maybe we will drive somewhere and look at the view... or something.<br />
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Rebecca's car failed smog last week... Rebecca and her trusty steed. Trying to decide if I should try to get it fixed or not. Amazing how charged such a decision about a 25 year old car can be. I keep wandering if there isn't some way I could send Rebecca off on her final journey in the damn thing.=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-1744712622500729622011-07-27T14:20:00.000-07:002011-07-27T14:20:05.611-07:00Big Bad NewsThe temptation to continue to stretch the previous post’s metaphor is huge, but that is a slope I will try to avoid. <br />
<br />
Rebecca is now officially off of treatment and onto hospice care. This is a recognition of the fact that chemo is no longer helping and that the cancer has progressed to the point that there are no longer any weapons to fight it. <br />
<br />
The main point problem is in her liver. Her liver is no longer performing its function properly and is leaking fluid into her abdomen. Her stomach is swollen with that fluid and very uncomfortable. Additionally her swollen liver is in itself painful even when she is in her preferred position, curled up on her side. She is taking significant quantities of pain killers to keep her comfortable which is also keeping her asleep most of the time. Between the drug affects and the blood toxicity her thinking is not always as linear as usual. She is hardly eating or drinking. <br />
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There is some small hope that the hospice folks will be able to mitigate the pain without as much sedative affect… but I’m not holding my breath. When she’s asleep she’s not in pain and she doesn’t like pain. <br />
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The oncologist guesses that Rebecca may be around for another 6 to 10 weeks but she could continue to surprise us… in either direction. From what I understand there should be a landmark along the way when she turns yellow. When full blown jaundice kicks in we will know that she is in her last few weeks. This is meant to be a fairly gentle way to go; Rebecca will sleep more and more, slip into a coma and eventually pass. <br />
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Since we heard this news Rebecca has seemed, to me, to be more peaceful than she has in a long time. She is no longer resisting her body’s natural progression through pure force of will. <br />
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Me and the kids are doing well. We are sharing a lot of love, tears and laughs together with Rebecca. All of our hearts are breaking but we know we will all be OK in the end. <br />
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I will try to keep the blog updated. Feel free to email, call or just drop in. <br />
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Love to you all,<br />
<br />
Andy=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-37381488297828035722011-07-19T19:39:00.000-07:002011-07-19T19:39:56.383-07:00UpdateTo paraphrase the eternal bard: “The long slippery slope is long, slippery and slope-like”. OK, so he never said that but I’m sure he would have, if he had enjoyed my turn of phrase. What I am saying is; there are no sudden turns, few dramatic moments on the long slippery slope. There is just an inevitable, often messy, decline. <br />
<br />
There haven’t been many updates on Rebecca’s health lately because there hasn’t been much to say. She has her up days and her down days. On an up day she makes her own breakfast (a bowl of cereal or some french toast) goes back to bed for the day and then sits with the rest of us at the dinner table while we eat and she tries to eat. Depending on how she slept that night she will spend more or less of her day between Netflicks and games on her iPad, reading books and sleeping. On a down day, she does less. <br />
<br />
The most dramatic change, over time, is the slow addition of various pains. Occasionally, like last night, we end up in the emergency room, mainly with the hope that they will find some identifiable, distinct, specific; treatable, ailment. Unfortunately, she does not have appendicitis; that would have been so easy. No, it’s just the relentless progression down the long slippery slope. She takes more pain killers, sleeps more and has her up days and her down days. <br />
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No one knows how long the slope is although we are pretty sure we know where it ends. We have no idea if there is a precipitous drop at the end or just more of the same slow decent. Rebecca has a sense that she is approaching the end, but she has no idea at what velocity. <br />
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We are all on the slope and none of us know our journey. We know that the journey is precious and joyful; and sometimes sad. We should all live each day sharing as much love as we can with those we care about and remembering that we have to prioritize the things that are truly important to us. We bask in each others love and in the love of our friends and family, we feel blessed by that love; at least when we aren’t being grumpy and pissy. <br />
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Love to you all,<br />
<br />
Andy=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-56538001461474208582011-05-19T08:33:00.001-07:002011-05-19T08:33:08.029-07:00And This WeekSo.. I skipped a week for chemo. Yesterday, I got it. It went well. The last two rounds of chemo have been 5 week rounds instead of 4 week rounds. Last time it was because I wanted a break. This time it was because I felt so yucky, I wasn't up for it. I had a fever for a little over 3 weeks. I think it is gone now, but I am playing it super safe. The tumor marker went down to 146. That is good. All of my bloods are good, except the ALT, a hormone from the liver that goes up when there is too much of it in the blood, and the biliruben, another liver test. The biliruben is not as high as it was before, but yesterday's chemo was only half a does because of how high it was. I am glad it was only a half a chemo.<br />
It seem that the side effect having the biggest effect on me is appetite. I am just not eating enough. I am very skinny. Haven't weighed this since something around 10th grade (that is before my growth spurt....) I am trying to eat more. Official permission to eat chocolate daily because the fat will slow the sweet to move through my body.<br />
Today is steroid day number one. I am laying in bed buzzing. I have been a bit dizzy when I stand up, so I am not doing it that much. Steroids mean that I feel like I have buzzing energy and want to do a ton, but really, I am wiped out. I have to not use this 'false' energy because it will really do me in when the steroids wear off. Good movie suggestions always appreciated. I like light hearted, thoughtful, comedy is good...nothing depressing, unless it is also really funny.<br />
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love to you all<br />
rebecca=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-15139349708808459272011-05-10T11:37:00.000-07:002011-05-10T11:37:00.351-07:00Overdue updateThe last few weeks have been tough... Rebecca has had a nasty cough. Having the paralyzed vocal chords means that she doesn't clear phlegm very effectively so she coughs and coughs and coughs... and laying down coughing... her back finally gave up and started to spasm. Yesterday we got her some muscle relaxants and some pain killers (with the obligatory supplemental 'softeners').<br />
<br />
Today I sent this email to her oncologist in anticipation of tomorrow... <br />
<br />
<blockquote>Dear Dr Gordon,<br />
<br />
It is the Tuesday before a chemo Wednesday for Rebecca and she is doing pretty poorly. We saw Dr. Jordan yesterday because of her general shortness of breath, yucky feeling, on-going low grade fever, etc... A chest x-ray concludes that she does not have pneumonia but leaves me continuing to wander why she had a 101 fever during the night and is now upstairs coughing up her proverbial lungs (largely but not entirely unproductively). <br />
<br />
Given how she's feeling I find it hard to imagine her having chemo tomorrow... what do you think?<br />
<br />
As Always, THANKS</blockquote><br />
Love to you all!=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35994623.post-65573506342677363762011-04-13T09:11:00.000-07:002011-04-13T09:11:09.998-07:00Good newsTumor marker down from 421 to 261! It has gone 714 to 421 to 261 in 2 months. This is very good. Normal, that is, no cancer, is 39 and below. I have not been there for a few years, but I would like to see it get down to the 100's. I am using this to get ok with going for chemo today. I feel pretty good, so it is hard to let that go... oh well...At least the steroids will keep me pumping for a couple of days.<br />
love love<br />
rebecca=andy.dalehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15224884476207310779noreply@blogger.com2