Thursday, December 03, 2009

Steady As She Goes

Hi Y’all,
I guess because there is a rhythm to my life, it seems somewhat normal. I do chemo most Wednesdays. I often get a fever from it, sometimes for just a couple hours, sometimes for a whole day. The next day I recover and I move on. I have discovered that a big part of feeling good is getting a good night’s sleep. So now I take drugs for that. It had been so long since I was sleeping through the night that I did not recognize what a difference it makes.

I go to doctors. Sometimes I feel social, sometimes not. I do not blog as much because of the predictability of life. I guess I do not feel the need to have you ride every up and down in my life. I think I have also gotten less social. I am not able to talk to and see everyone that I want to. I spend a lot more time alone, and do not mind. For those of you who have known me forever, it is good that I am learning to enjoy my own company. I also find that when I have energy, which is often, there is a lot to get done in life.

Right now I am working on balancing our books and doing the financial aide forms that are due Dec 11th. We are throwing a fundraising candlemaking party for Ze’ev’s school on Dec 12th. We have Andy’s brother visiting on the 5th and a bunch of other stuff going on. I have to get a metal rack under my bees before it is too cold (if it is not already) to keep the ants out. The dog is getting worse, but I am following my spiritual path and not putting him to sleep. He is here on this earth for a reason and I want to support him to get through at his own pace. I know most of my people disagree with that, but I feel I am doing the right thing. He is not in too much pain, and he knows he is loved. It is extra work, but I can use it to remember love and slowing down in my own life. So life does seem to be incredibly busy. I am trying to make it less busy.

I want to find a way to create a calmer life so that I am not running from activity to activity when I have energy, but slowing down. I do not know how to do that and get wound back up to a frantic speed before ending up on my back, feeling yucky. It is a cycle that is very old for me and is hard to break, hence I get sick.

We have not been having people helping us with food because I have been so active. I am beginning to feel like life is being overwhelming and I might need to get help from everyone to slow down. I do not know if food is the answer, but I will keep you posted. I feel like if I have energy to do my projects, I should feed my family first. It is part of the prioritizing and slowing down thing. Honoring my body and eating well. Honoring life and taking care of it….all challenges…

So much love to you all.

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