Wednesday, December 31, 2008

More from Rebecca

Well everybody, life is full of changes and mine just changed a lot. I wrote previously that I would be working with Leo as a student. That is not going to happen. It is very sudden and very clear for me. He and I had a disagreement that made it clear to me that he is not a teacher for me. He has helped me in the past and for that I am grateful, but our relationship is now past. I do however wish him the best and hope he gets what he is looking for out of life. I do not hold anger towards him. It is good that I worked this out before I started my understudy with him.

I am still going to be working on healing myself and doing introspective work to help guide me. I hope to be a healer one day so that I can help others. Thank you for watching me ride my lifelong roller coaster and for all of your love and support. I have fabulous people. You are the ones that hold me up.

love love

Monday, December 29, 2008

Update from Rebecca

Hi y’all. It has been a weird holiday. Andy and the kids went to England to visit his folks, as per our original plan. But I was not up for it so I have stayed home. It was the best solution, even if it is odd. I have been doing better and better. Tumor shrinking and stuff. Doing a bit less of the medicine stuff, because it was starting to drive me buggy keeping track of all of the different things I was doing. I am generally fatigued, but nothing hours by myself does not cure.

I have lots of friends in town visiting me and I have been going out a bit too. I do not last long at big events, about an hour. There is something about sound and vibration that disturbs me these days. Cant handle it. I already feel my pulse all over my body, like when you can see your hair move with your heartbeat. One on one, I have been doing very well.

Two days ago, I went to a friend of a friend's house. She wanted to do a prayer for me, so I said sure. It turns out that it was a Medicine Buddha Puja (that last word means ceremony). I am open to all prayers, so I sat for about 30-40 minutes. During that time, my cough kicked in and then changed to a strange sound. By the time she was done, I could not talk, as in no voice. I was very tired, went home and slept for 48hours off and on with friends coming over and helping me with food and the dog. I feel better this morning enough to come downstairs and type. I feel that this is all a good thing and my body has received the healing and is integrating it. It will take time though. I still do not have a voice, but my cough is returning to a normal sound, a bit. I am well enough to listen to the radio or watch tv now. I even had a nice chat (whisper) with my friend who came over this morning and made me breakfast. I do not know if it is a healing that is going to affect the cancer, but it is having an effect on my shoulder girdle, the place I hold ALL of my tension. The road is long and winding. (not as in a breeze, but as in curvey).

Meanwhile, I have been offered the opportunity and accepted to become and understudy of the healer in South Africa. His name is Leo, but I will now be referring to him as Sigung. From Wikipedia:
Sigung or Shigong or "Si Kung" (師公) is the sifu's sifu in a Chinese martial art school. Si means teacher. Gung means grandfather.

He is a Shaolin Grandmaster as well as a healer. That understudy has not yet begun. The first step in all healing instruction is to heal yourself first. So for all of you out there worrying about me doing something that will wipe me out, don’t worry. I will be tired, but it will be the type that is from healing, not from overdoing it. If I overdo it, it is my doing separate from the healing.

The hardest part of this for me is that there are no guarantees in life. Healing is a separate process than getting better. They can go hand in hand, or they can diverge. Healing is related to the soul, getting better is a body thing. I cannot guarantee that this healing is going to get me better in this life. No one can guarantee that in any modality I have undertaken. This is the direction I am choosing because it is bigger than me. We are all a small part in a big picture and I want to help the big picture as much as I can, so this is the way I choose. I know and trust Sigung to do what is right and think this is the best direction for my long term health.

It also means that I will come out of this (either in this life, or another) able to help others, which is all I have wanted to do. I know a lot of this is pretty corny for some of you, but I figured I might as well spill the beans before I start, so no one is surprised.

FYI, I am going to continue working with Kaiser and some other doctors, I am just not sure which ones. Sigung is going to help me with that.

There, I told everybody. That is a big deal for me.

I love you all and thank you for all of your support.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

She says...

So, I went to the oncologist today and it was a good visit. He was pleased at how much my tumor has shrunk. He does not have the best bedside manner but that is how he deals with his stress. When I am doing well, he is all smiles. Anyway, I am low energy still, which is a bummer, so he is going to check me for possible anemia next week when I get my second dose of faslodex.

I am doing really well. My tumor is shrinking like mad!! Life is going on pretty much as normal here, except that I have a lot more time because I do not work any more and that I am tired. The fatigue is getting old and today I decided to just do something, so I worked in the office and cleaned.

I have now hired someone to do my finances because I cannot do for myself what I used to do for others. A bit annoying and also exciting. I feel like I am moving up the food chain. There is something that I do not have to do myself. Wahoo. Hence, I spent today cleaning the office for her. Ok… so one step back…

I find myself now much more sensitive to noise and people energy than I have in the past. It seems I am able to do things like clean the office, but not stand in a store that has music blaring with static. Considering that I used to be the one who spent a party flitting from one group to the next and turning the music up, this is now a different way for me to be. I guess I feel a bit grown up about it. Oh well. Despite my best efforts to be Peter Pan, life finally got me to grow up.

Today has been a really good day (read: shopping!). I got out of the house and got a few errands done as well as spent a little time at a clothing store that has this great after thanks giving sale. The clothes are awesome, but for some reason I was the only one in there under the age of 60…I guess it was the time of day?? I also took the kids to a couple of stores and felt like my grandmother when I got to Walgreens ( a little too excited over such an expedition), but I really did have a long list!! Now I am going to make dinner (more activity) and I am looking forward to it. I am not drained. Hey, I did take an iron pill today. Maybe I am just anemic. That would be cool. An easy solution.

So anyway I am meandering, which is pretty much the flow of my life right now. The real bummer to my fatigue is that the family is going to go to England for the holidays without me. I am sad that I do not get to partake in the festivities, but I am also looking forward to the quiet time. Lots of it. My body is healing very well, but it is very tiring. I have never understood what about a long flight that could wipe you out, other than jet lag. Now just thinking about it makes me tired. So for all of you near by, if you are around and want to hang, I am going to be doing a little of that too. I might get booked and have to say no so I am not overbooked, but that is unlikely.

Love to everyone. I am gonna be great thanks to all of your love and support.

Oh, we have a site up to help us get support, but it is not easy to get people signed up on it. It is taking way too long for us to organize this, but we have still been getting help from some people that we just cant get rid of.. If you want to use that service, please e-mail Andy with your e-mail address and he will get you on the list. You will then get an e-mail invitation from Then you can join it. A bit complicated, but we will have food lists up soon, as well as restaurant lists.