Saturday, August 27, 2011

Week at the knees

Well it's been a week and I am drifting in and out of a surreal fog. Every word I utter, every action I take reminds me of her. Sometimes that reminder is bitter and sometimes its sweet. I miss her SO much and yet she is so present. I joke, laugh, reminisce and cry with the family and friends that surround me but the words don't seem to add up... it's like i'm failing to describe some half remembered taste and no matter what I say it is followed by "no, that's not quite it". Nothing is as it should be.

As Ze'ev put it; "It's like being homesick but not being able to go home"

Big sigh.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Remembering Rebecca supporting these charities

Andy has asked me (Richard, again, Andy's brother) to share with this community of Rebecca's family and friends, that these two charities are ones which embody Rebecca's love and care for the world. If it is your wish or custom to make donations at such times, then please consider these charities or others you feel Rebecca would be happy to know are supported.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Funeral Arrangements for Rebecca

This is Richard writing again (Andy's brother).
The memorial service and burial will be held on Tuesday, August 23 at 11:00 am at Fernwood Cemetery in Mill Valley. Please watch this blog in the interim in case there are any changes.
If you are attending and able to car pool that will help the parking situation, and the planet.
The Cemetery is an "eco-cemetery" and does not have groomed paths. Although the cemetery staff try to clear away poison oak from the area of the grave, there may be some remaining. Please take care when walking for both these reasons. This may also inform your choice of footwear and clothing. 
As mentioned before, no flowers please - a list of charities to which donations can be made in Rebecca's memory and honor will be posted on this blog.
Shiva will take place on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings, August 23, 24, and 25 in Berkeley. The family will receive visitors from 6:00 to 8:00 pm; a brief Ma'ariv ("evening") service and sharing of memories will take place each evening at 7:00 pm. 

Day 1 of the new era

I slept like I was drugged... to the extent that I wander if someone drugged me. We certainly have the wherewithal laying around the house. Or maybe it's just that I hadn't slept in days. The fact that I haven't been taking my own medication in ages probably doesn't help either.

Me and the kids were all giddy with fear last night and were goofing around like little kids to avoid going to our beds and having to think. Personally I fell asleep so fast I didn't think. I didn't hear a peep from the kids.

I woke up giggling. A joke so un-PC that I cannot repeat it in any company... let alone polite company. I couldn't stop giggling... and Rebecca was right there smiling that smile she smiles when she's loving me for my flaws, not despite them. The house is so full of her it is easy to hold her in my heart. I miss her so much and now I'm sobbing again.

I guess it's going to be another manic day of unimaginable pain and unconditional love at the Dale -1 household.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Arrangements: Tuesday - but not yet finalized

Dear Friends and Family.

This is Richard, Andy's brother, writing.

At this time we expect the funeral to be on TUESDAY, probably in the morning, but the time is not yet finalized. We need to wait for the State certification, a process that can only start on Monday morning.  Its timing is not predictable.

The funeral will be held at Fernwood (details here).  Please watch this blog for details once they are finalized. There will be three evenings of Shiva (gathering at the family home) and those details will also be published here. Until the time of the funeral the family is maintaining its inward orientation and visits are not customary. Thank you for your understanding. The Shiva will provide an opportunity for everyone to share your love and memories with Andy, Merav and Ze'ev and the wider community of those who loved and were loved by Rebecca.

Please do not send or bring flowers. We will publish the names of charities dear to the family to which donations can be made.

the end of one journey and the start of the next.

At 4:14 am on Saturday August 20th Rebecca left us. She left on a river of love that flowed from all of us close and far. She was ushered out of this world by 2 angels (more about them at another time) in the presence of myself and our kids Merav and Ze'ev (Gideon).

We are observing the jewish tradition of keeping to ourselves between now and the funeral. As plans for the funeral and the shiva (gathering together the days after the funceral) unfold they will be posted here.

With love!

Friday, August 19, 2011

never to be predictable

Rebecca never was one to go by other peoples timelines. This time she is accelerating rather than delaying the schedule. She has already fit 4-6 weeks of decline into a week, we are assuming that the time scale trend will continue and she will be gone fairly soon. It could be a few hours or it could be a couple of days. very unlikely to be any longer.

People are no longer going in to visit with Rebecca: she is otherwise occupied. If you want to come visit with the family please call first as we are trying to keep the house calm and quiet. i will post details of arrangements here as they unfold.


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

End of another day

Today was a good day. Rebecca rested peacefully for the first half of the day and we had some nice hang out time in the afternoon and evening. Now,every time she rallies I wonder if it's the proverbial last wind. It could be days, it could be weeks. Rebecca seems to think it might be sooner than later.

This evening me and the kids hung out on the bed with Rebecca. The kids showed her magic tricks they had learned... Trying to show 'illusions' to someone who has been hallucinating for days proves to be really hard. Ze'ev is asleep at the foot of our bed. Merav is in her room and Rebecca is peaceful besides me.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Long day

Finally she is resting more peacefully. Still not totally peaceful but much better. Lots of drugs and finally... a foot rub... and she's resting. I wish I had thought of the foot rub earlier.

3 weeks ago we said 6-10 weeks... now we seem to be looking at 2 or 3... Kids are doing great. I had some big sobbing today, finally. I know my heart will mend but I sure wish I didn't have to have it so thoroughly broken first.

Monday Morning

It was a tough weekend and an even tougher night. I'm tired. Rebecca has been anxious and rambling. We spent the night chatting about whatever was going on in the moment in her vivid dream state... incredulity that I didn't notice the olive tree grow in our bedroom and get absorbed into the walls... annoyance that I didn't know the name of the guy standing by the bed (despite him 'seeming like a nice guy').

Visits are becoming harder because she is more agitated. Call before you come over and I will let you know if a visit seems like a good idea.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Friday Morning

Rebecca's Dad and his wife Amy were here all week. We had some nice times and, most importantly, they both got to spend some good time with Rebecca. I think the highlight for Ze'ev was not only did Larry, Amy, Rebecca and I come to watch him dive at the pool... Amy pushed me in the pool!

Rebecca had a couple of good, pain free, lucid days. This morning she is feeling crappy so we just dosed her with what we hope will knock her out for a while and make the pain go away.